Last month, residents of a West Virginia neighborhood called in a tip about raccoons terrorizing the neighborhood. You read that right. Apparently, the raccoons were acting so outlandishly that residents feared for their safety and thought it worth their time, as well as authorities’ time, to call in backup.
According to the reports, residents initially thought the critters were rabid, not drunk. However, after capturing the animals–which, it turned out, proved to be a group effort–police ran some tests. As it turns out, the raccoons were merely drunk. However, they didn’t get lit off a half-pint they found in a neighbor’s trash can or a stash of booze hidden in the bushes, but rather, they got their buzz from fermented crabapples. Apparently, based on the commotion these animals created, raccoons are rather surly drunks.
What do members of the police department have to say about the whole incident?
“We have had calls on suspected rabid raccoons twice over the last two days,” the Milton Police Department wrote on Facebook. “Turns out they appear to be drunk on crabapples.”
The arresting officers did what they do when they come across any other creature who is drunk and disorderly in public: they hauled them in and locked them up. Once the raccoons sobered up, the department let them go.
The department released a mugshot of one of the masked suspects:
Milton Police Department gets all the credit for this creative capture. They informed Milton residents of the incident via their Facebook page.
The story made national news, and people have a lot to say about the story. Some people know just how slippery of a slope it is from “getting drunk on the weekends” to alcoholism or the use of other dangerous drugs.
Another user was more concerned with our kind. And hey, he does have a point. There was Tide Pods, Cough Syrup and a whole other laundry list of household products that are now locked up because people used them to get intoxicated.
One person finally discovered the secret to their masked appearance.
Yet another fan of the MPD page decided to provide a tip of his own. We’ll see how that one pans out.
Then there were those users who have seen things. Apparently, drunk animals are not all that uncommon, at least, not in West Virginia. And, it appears, fermented fruit seems to be a problem.
One guy thought it’d be appropriate to share a story about that one time he and his buddies decided to get a weiner dog drunk. Some people did not like that…
Sadly, an update to the story informed the nation that fermented crabapples were the least of those racoons’ worries. It turns out that a few of the raccoons were, in fact, distempered. Because they posed a danger to the Milton community, those bandits had to be put down. Many were displeased with the fact, but the truth is that distempered animals of any kind pose a very real threat to people and other animals.
In the end, however, and though the story is a rather cute and funny one, the Milton Police Department warns residents that raccoons aren’t cute and cuddly creatures even when they aren’t drunk or distempered. An intoxicated or otherwise “weird acting” raccoon can be extremely dangerous, and the department warns anyone who sees a raccoon acting strangely to walk away and call the police or animal control immediately.
On that note, enjoy one more cute picture of the raccoons acting amiss:
You’re welcome.
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