Have you ever upset your significant other to the point of hearing crickets?
Well, Christopher Ingraham sure has.
As an inexperienced lizard caretaker, Christopher made a rookie mistake, and it is just about the best thing that we have ever heard.
This story is the perfect combination of naivety, chaos, and just pure comedy gold.
We are confident that you will love it just as much as we did!
As any good pet owner would do, Christopher ordered his new bearded dragon, Holly, her favorite meal:
Crickets.
After searching the internet for the perfect crickets, he made his first bulk order for 250 of these jumpy little guys.
After patiently waiting through a blizzard for his package to arrive, FedEx finally came knocking on his door.
The crickets have arrived.
Eagerly, Christopher cut right into the cardboard shipping box.
He’s going to be the best lizard dad ever, or so he thought…
To his surprise, the crickets were not enclosed in a separate bag or container.
As a writer for the Washington Post, Christopher had a quickly approaching deadline.
He decides to leave the cricket predicament for later.
He quickly closed the box, hid it in the bathroom, and rushed back to work.
What could possibly go wrong?
The answer, my friends, is a lot.
A lot could go wrong, and a lot did go wrong.
A few minutes later, he starts hearing his wife complaining about crickets in the kitchen.
Christopher naively assumes that only a few crickets have escaped the security of the cardboard box.
Christopher continues his work.
But he wasn’t ready for what’s next!
As his wife’s complaints worsen and grow in frequency, he goes to the bathroom to check on the severity of the cricket situation.
To his dismay, the crickets are literally everywhere!
The walls, the sink, even the toilet!
Christopher rushes out to the family shed to find a glass tank for the crickets. He even treks through a foot and a half of snow!
By the time he gets back, the crickets are just about in every nook and cranny in the house!
He spends the next ten hours searching high and low.
But the crickets are still everywhere!
Christopher compares the search to a horrible game of Pokémon. Gotta catch ‘em all!
With three young daughters, three cats, one dog, one lizard, and a plethora of crickets, Christopher was almost living in a zoo!
This compilation of Tweets by Christopher himself is just about the funniest thing that we have ever seen.
This truly was an internet purchase gone insanely wrong.
There is nothing like 250 crickets wreaking havoc on a man’s home to bring the Twitter world to its knees in laughter.
Poor Christopher unleashed 250 loud, nocturnal insects into his already busy home.
He was probably hearing literal crickets for weeks!
Now, I am no lizard expert either. Like Christopher, I would assume that the crickets would be enclosed in some sort of bag or protective casing.
I would undoubtedly grab a pair of scissors and cut right into that box, too.
Crickets freely jumping in a FedEx box?
No way.
This wouldn’t even cross my mind!
Well, what do you think?
Are you like Christopher and I, blind in our assumption that the crickets were properly contained?
Or are you thinking twice before ripping that box right open?
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