Cavanaugh the Bernese Mountain dog will honor, love, and defend his family from threats great and small – and tart.
It’s been four years since the battle and, frankly, we’re still not sure who came out victorious since both sides appear to have claimed victory. Or at least neither conceded defeat.
Like any Bernese Mountain dog, Cavanaugh was big and fluffy and downright adorable as a little one.
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And like any other creature fairly new to the planet, he did not yet know what a lemon is.
That was his first error.
It’s not like a dog can ask and the humans left the halved, juicy enemy on the floor. There was really no choice but to try to disarm the threat.
Fluffy puppies have relatively few tools at their disposal, so Cavanaugh had to stick to conventional tactics such as barking, nipping, pawing, jumping, and other means of intimidation.
Meanwhile, the lemon had only one meager but effective play – to sit there and be a lemon.
Now, we can all picture a young one being given a lemon for the first time (and if you can’t, there are plenty of YouTube videos to help your imagination along).
It’s rarely a pleasant experience if you don’t know what’s coming. Even if you come to love the tart taste years later, it’s a shock to the tastebuds the first time around.
And while lemons are wonderful in all sorts of ways once you’re a grown-up (think Limoncello or even a whiskey sour), dogs really have no use for them at any age.
Cavanaugh’s first instinct is a good one – sniff out the enemy.
Maybe it’s food or a friend! There’s only one way to find out when you’re a dog and that’s to get your nose right up in there and find out.
But there’s a flaw in the deployment of his strategy.
The pup doesn’t take even a moment to process the scent before moving on to step two – giving is a tiny nip. He risks it all on a blitz attack – and it doesn’t pan out.
The lemon fought back with a tangy thrust – and Cavanaugh sustained minor injuries to the tastebuds.
But this is war – and neither side gives up so easily.
Well, to be fair, the lemon has no choice. But Cavanaugh didn’t come into this battle looking to lose. For all he knows, the safety of everyone around him (even those giggling behind the camera) could be at stake.
The brave puppy ventures into the breach once more.
He gives it another brave nip to see if he can fool his enemy into thinking the tartness is no big deal. Then he tries to bring in the big weapons – mom and dad.
He looks to his comrades, but they do not answer the call.
Alone on the battlefield, Cavanaugh musters everything he has to launch a fierce attack.
He’s clearly studied the art of war because, like Diomedes in the Iliad or the soldiers whose “Barritus“ was so dramatically described by the great Roman historian Tacitus, Cavanaugh lets out a fierce battle cry.
Everything after that is a blur of motion and aggression on the puppy’s part.
He stomps, retreats, advances, and tries both aerial and ground attacks.
The full-scale assault continues for seconds. Alas, the lemon remains…a lemon.
Like a film that fades to darkness and forces us to imagine our own ending, our last image is of Cavanaugh standing over the lemon.
But wait, there’s more.
While we’d like to leave it at that, but in the grand American tradition of ruining everything with a sequel – there is a part 2 of Cavanaugh’s war story.
It turns out his dad offered him the lemon. There was no invasion.
What a way to ruin the backstory.
While the circumstances are no longer a mystery, the sequel does show adorable pup deciding to come to a tentative and shaky truce with the lemon.
Be sure to scroll down below to watch the epic battle scene.
And if you’d like to follow the pup on Instagram, he can be found at @cavanaugh.the.berner.
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