Dogs
Don’t get a bulldog. Here are 25 reasons why
Here's why you shouldn't adopt a bulldog. These are so true!
Ryan Aliapoulios
09.27.17

Once you have a place to live and a good job, we’re all faced with an important decision: should you get a dog?

More and more these days, the main decision we face is not whether or not to have kids and not whether or not to get a house. It’s whether or not we are financially stable enough to care care of a dog. Still, it’s easy to jump into dog ownership without knowing what you’re getting yourself into. You may be considering a bulldog, even. Well take it from us: you do not want to do that.

Here’s 25 reasons why you should definitely, absolutely not get a bulldog.

1. They are ruthless killing machines.

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2. They will drive a wedge between you and your children.

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3. They always need to be the center of attention.

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4. They will absolutely sit in your favorite chair.

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5. They can’t get into the Christmas spirit—ever.

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6. They read over your shoulder when you’re just trying to get some work done.

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7. Still not convinced? They will even get between you and your spouse.

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8. They are emotionally unavailable workaholics.

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9. They’ll even do cruel impressions of you—while you’re asleep!

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10. They’ll make you look bad in pictures by comparison.

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11. They will try to trip you and your children while you’re getting out of the baby pool. Seriously.

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12. Good luck trying to get them to smile for a picture.

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13. They’ll use their soft, round little bodies to block the TV. Every chance they get.

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14. Look in the mirror and ask yourself: do you really want a dog that looks like a hamster?

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15. They won’t follow your plans.

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16. They’re really obsessed with sweaters, it’s kind of weird actually.

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17. Oh, and say goodbye to that alone time you cherish so much. They will get right in your face.

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18. They’re better at yoga than you and they rub it in every chance they get.

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19. They will only fall asleep on your face.

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20. They will lay the guilt trip on you heavy if you don’t do what they want.

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21. They act like royalty and will treat you like a peasant.

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22. They will stare at you while you go to the bathroom. Always.

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23. They think they’re smarter than you are.

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24. They never stop talking about Star Wars.

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25. What more can we say? They are truly terrifying animals.

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If you’re not convinced by now, nothing is going to stop you. You might as well pick up the phone right now, call your local shelter and ask specifically for a bulldog at this point. What? Of course we’re not adopting a bulldog right now, what are you talking about? Just say no.

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